Failure

Once again my list of failures is almost as long as my list of successes. There are many students who I feel I failed to challenge enough, many who I felt I did not break things down enough for.

            The unfortunate thing about many of my failures is that in reality they are things that may be very difficult or out of my power to control. These are the failures which often hurt the most.

            I can confidently say that I inspired many kids to do better, to strive to succeed, and to feel as if they have some meaning in their life. These were many times my favorite students, who I know had so much potential for success, but needed someone to believe in them.

            One kid I know I could have done more for was Odis. During the first week of school Odis was challenged by one of the biggest kids in one of my classes and refused to back down. Both kids almost came to blows, but I had learned enough to send one out until security came to help me out. After this first confrontation I talked to Odis and let him know that I would be willing to work with him, but he would have to let me handle his problems in the classroom from that point on. From then on I looked out for him and he was always respectful towards me. For the next three weeks of school he quietly sat in the corner of the class and concentrated on his work. He rarely brought a backpack or pencils to class, but he always did his work and was eager to learn.

            Four weeks in he realized he had been going to the wrong class the whole time. He switched to World Geography and came back to my class second semester.

            By second semester he had changed. He hung out with Ron a 19-year-old still in a 9^th grade course who could care less about school. He still never brought his backpack, or pencils, but he had obviously become jaded by the prospects of his life. Unfortunately, it took me a while into second semester to notice how much he had changed. I think he wanted to start out doing his work again in my class, but he soon realized his prospects in school were severely hurt by his grades he had received in his first semester courses. He was routinely high in class and showed little desire to concentrate on work or any part of school. He was soon suspended for two weeks and returned with an even bleaker outlook.

            Upon his return I tried to talk to him about what was going on and if I could help. I told him I wanted him to stay after school so he could do his makeup work for my class and his other classes. He told me he could not stay because his mom did not get off work until ten. So everyday until ten he would hangout at one of his friends houses then return home.

            Around this time I also found out he had been suspended because he had liquid hydrocodone (lean or purple drink) at school. He also had left this drink at home and his younger sister had consumed some and fallen ill.

                        For the next week I told Odis I would give him a ride home if he stayed after school. Each day he said he would come, but he never showed up. Eventually Odis stopped coming to school and most likely dropped out. He might be back next year, but I have a feeling his spirit and attitude, at least towards school is broken.  It is kids like Odis who drive me to be better.